marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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