first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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