just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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