Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
