They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize