theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
