My balls are so social today.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
