Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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