I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
