Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
