just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
