I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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