i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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