Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
