Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
