Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
