I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
