we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize