i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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