So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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