UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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