Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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