he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
