conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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