nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
