haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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