i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
