I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize