READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
