Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
