I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I will be naked everywhere
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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