oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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