I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
