I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
