I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
