i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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