just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
