question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
