doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
