I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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