I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize