He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
