Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
