Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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