I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
