Where did you get a picture of my penis
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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