also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
