Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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