I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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