i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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