I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
