I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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