Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
