We won't sleep together?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
