Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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