this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
