Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
