"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she told me i tasted like america
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
