3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
