He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
