May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
