Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
