Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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