This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
