FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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