it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
