I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
