Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
