North Korea, Best Korea!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
