you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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