Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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