first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
