Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
