If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
