Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
