Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
