Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
