He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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