You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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