i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
