he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
