What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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