Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
dude. I can hear the air.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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