If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So here I am, sexting at work.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
