My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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