New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
