Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
