We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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