i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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