I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We need to get me chipped asap
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize