There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
