if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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