woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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