I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
