i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
